Monday, November 23, 2009
and when im updating this, im wondering if you still come here for a visit from time to time. tis whole post is dedicated to you. and yeah u definitely know who you are coz u've been a part of me for so long, or shud i say WAS a part of me till i stupidly let u go. yeah im gonna rant my heart out. the parts whre nobody ever had access to. the one i use lies n fake smiles n fake happiness and pretence all in order to cover up all that i was feeling. yeah i can say i fcking fcking regret my decision. its been a year plus but i've never stopped thinking bout u. u rmb when u said u will wait for me eventho i wanted the break up? well, here's looking at u, i thought u wud last longer. n maybe, maybe then when i get over my embarrassment of having to face u after the break-up, we cud haf been tgt again. but now, its over. full stop. period. over for gd. i know i always told u to move on n pretended like i had already move on. but the truth is? i didnt. i never did. i just managed to keep it locked up. locked up, hidden n buried away somewhre deep inside my heart. but now realising that its all gonna be in vain, i might as well let it out. n then hope that time heals it. hah, sounds familiar doesnt it? time heals everything. the stupid advice that i gave u in order to see how long u will wait for me. well, backfired boom! i dont really know what im talking anymore. im just rambling already. but its hard u know. to express n release all these feelings by stringing them in proper coherent sentences :Sgod i wish i can stand at the edge of a cliff n scream my lungs out, after which i wanna cry my heart out. rmb cny this year? rmb what u did? honestly, i had to control myself to NOT reciprocate. coz truth is, i couldnt face u. realise how i hardly looked u in the eyes? do u know how hard it was/is? the embarrassment, the regrets, the fcked-up feeling that i had to wrestle with. so in the end i acted as if i din care. this cold hearted bitch. but yeah now knowing that u rly rly haf moved on. i guess thre's no harm in saying it all out already. ok almost everything. because thre are some things that words cant even begin to express. tears are useless now, altho i cant stop them from flowing. words (like these) are pointless too. we cant turn back time, nobody can. but if i cud or if i had a wish n one wish only, it'll be to the one day b4 i stupidly unthinkingly decided to break up. then we'll still be tgt. if we didnt break up, today wud haf been our 3years10mths17days. hahahahaha here's laughing at me huh.
guess thats it for now. the shittiest i've been feeling since god knows when.
10:25 PM
INTRO
L is for the way u LOOK at me
O is for the ONLY one I see
V is VERY VERY extraordinary
E is EVEN more than anyone that you can adore
Like a perfect scene
From a movie screen
We're a dream come true
Suited perfectly
For eternity
Me and you
Everyday, I need you even more
And the night time too
There's no way I could ever let you go
Even if I wanted to
ME!
M-S-M
I(II)-N-A-T-M
Shopaholic
Piercings<3
Tattoos<3
*Might* fall into the materialist category
LOVES
Leather, Rosegold, Gold, Silver<3<3<3
Accessories Addict<3
Spiky, studded, sparkly goods
Bagaholic
Watch Collector
I live to eat<3
THE WANTS
To secure a stable job in the near future
<3
Y
